Homestead, Illinois numbly awaits ludicrous ruin, financially and ethically smithereened by political prom punks.
Yet, swiftly and statewide, 95 bold, bright prairie fires from our valley of verve set a brainy trail ablaze; to remake, makeover, and takeover their ravaged range.
This is a casting call for inventors, innovators, craftsmen, manufacturers, farmers, engineers, scientists, chefs, writers, industrialists, musicians, athletes, artists, publishers, and producers pursuing notable endeavors which will enhance our home state and renew its commercial prairie as a fire.
What can you bring, mend, make?
Illinois: never has anything so fixed, needed so much repair.
Fix the fix
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Contact: C. Devane Telephone: 630-432-5006
E-mail: info@BigStickInc.com Site: www.BigStickInc.com
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These 95 Extreme Congressmen will represent the New 19 Extreme Congressional Districts of Illinois; five will be chosen from each of these groundbreakingly just districts we have drawn. The previously gerrymandered map of Illinois districts - and its Rorschach patterns of malfeasance - has already been set on extreme fire.
We are not necessarily looking for the smartest individuals, we call upon the the brightest, as in the most original; and they must also burnish the boldness to enflame that originality.
You will be our Extreme Congressmen. The torch on your trail is self-reliance. Burn brightly, you are now The Honorable X. _____________________________________
This is the plot, this is your story line, but the ending is up to you. You are the living script. Your story will be promoted and your work reported on our web site.
You may be in the newspapers, you may be on the radio, you may eventually be on a television show. However, maybe you won't, perhaps you may only walk alone. But you can't tax anything, so already you'll be a very popular Congressman.
Therefore, other than your tale on our web site, we will provide you only one thing: a walking stick, hand-carved by Benedictine monks, and inscribed with the stark advice Christ gave his disciples:
Take nothing but a walking stick.
Mark 6:8
It's a big stick, you may speak softly, or not.
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Each Extreme Congressman ( X.C. ) serves until December 31, 2012.
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Because future generations are being left with the present generation's grotesque debt - there is no minimum age to be an X.C. Adult supervision holds no sway here.
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Each X.C. must select a U.S. veterans' charity, or veterans' hospital, or the family of a deceased service member from Iraq or Afghanistan. This selection will be listed on his or her web page.
Alongside that selection will be a message from that X.C. asking that all those who currently donate money to any political campaign, or candidate, or incumbent - donate their money to his or her selected veterans' charity instead. A scoreboard will track donations that were diverted from political organizations to these fine affiliations.
Redeploy your donation
To our brave wounded nation.
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Each X.C. must be paired with a sponsor, product placement, promoter, or booster. Their ad or logo will appear on their X.C.'s web page, etc. Their charge is $500. for the entire two-year term.
( Note: This is no more complicated than the sponsor on a softball jersey, a car hood in NASCAR, or just happening to mention in your extreme video that setting a prairie fire always "Gets you to hankering for a Spoon River Sarsparilla (TM)." )
1) There is no fee to nominate yourself, or anyone else, to become an X.C. You, or they, may need time to find a backer, that's fine. Please do not let that delay you. If you are committed, we'll hold your nomination for you as long as possible.
2) We will help to pair any fine candidates with backers.
3) If an exceptional candidate cannot find a backer, the entire fee may be waived.
4) Wild Card candidates from charities will occasionally be selected and the entire fee waived.
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Using our new map below, you can now easily find your new Extreme Congressional District; then nominate yourself, or another, accordingly.
In accordance with the U.S. Constitution and the Census, we have divided Illinois into 19 districts. This is the same number of districts currently; but drawn fairly, without a scintilla of scandal.
However, instead of electing only one Congressman per district, we are naming five. In our extreme calculus, this will also eliminate the need for state representatives and state senators - currently a redundantly calcified apparatchik. This extreme stratus will both singularly eliminate gerrymandering and groundless political overlap.
It's either our way - or their grossly patronized, bloatingly bureaucratized, slackhammered highway.
So, ramble down below to find your district. They are drawn simply, along county lines. Within Cook County, by township lines. Within Chicago, by three parallel streets.
It's revolutionary - which often only means self-evident.
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Geography is Destiny
Napoleon
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Note 1: The county and township names below are not listed alphabetically. For ease, they are listed to read west to east ( left to right ), north to south ( top to bottom ).
Note 2: Each district will retain its own number ( ie: 1st Extreme Congressional District ). However, they will also all have proper names. At Auction designates the names of those district names still up for auction. Anyone may bid to name a district whatever they would like -- after a local geographical feature, after your company, after your Mom. Only two rules: five-word maximum, no profanity.
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Contact: C. Devane Telephone: 630-432-5006
E-mail: info@BigStickInc.com Site: www.BigStickInc.com
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Extreme District Land Rush
Shotgun Start
Go
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1st Extreme District
Name: ( at auction )
Population: 743,210
Counties: Jo Daviess, Boone, Stepehenson, McHenry, Winnebago
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2nd Extreme District
Name:( at auction )
Population: 712,567
County: Lake
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3rd Extreme District
Name:( at auction )
Population: 513,221
Counties: Carroll, Putnam, Ogle, Mercer, Whiteside, Henderson, Lee, Warren, Rock Island, Knox, Henry, Stark, Bureau, Marshall
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4th Extreme District
Name: Gear Hard
Population: 619,225
Counties: DeKalb, Kane
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5th Extreme District
Name:( at auction )
Population:932,541
County: DuPage
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6th Extreme District
Name:( at auction )
Population:595,154
Counties: Cook
Townships: Barrington, Palatine, Wheeling, Hanover, Schaumburg, Elk Grove
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7th Extreme District
Name:( at auction )
Population:451,096
County: Cook
Townships: Northfield, New Trier, Maine, Niles, Evanston
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8th Extreme District
Name:( at auction )
Population:647,124
County: Cook
Townships: Leyden, Norwood Park, Proviso, River Forest, Oak Park, Riverside, Berwyn, Cicero, Lyons, Stickney
Street Boundaries: North: Devon Avenue; South: 87th Street; East: Chicago's western city limits; West: Cook County's western county line
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9th Extreme District
Name:( at auction )
Population:940,000 ( approx. )
County: Cook
Street Boundaries: North: Devon Avenue; South: North Avenue; East: Lake Michigan; West: Chicago's western city limits
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10th Extreme District
Name:( at auction )
Population:940,000 ( approx. )
County: Cook
Street Boundaries: North: North Avenue; South: 35th Street; East: Lake Michigan; West: Chicago's western city limits
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11th Extreme District
Name: The Afterlife
Population:940,000 ( approx. )
County: Cook
Street Boundaries: North: 35th Street; South: Chicago's southern city limits ( 135th Street ); East: Lake Michigan; West: Chicago's western city limits
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12th Extreme District
Name:( at auction )
Population:789,353
County: Cook
Townships: Lemont, Palos, Worth, Calumet, Orland, Bremen, Thornton, Rich, Bloom
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13th Extreme District
Name:( at auction )
Population: 628,032
Counties: LaSalle, Livingston, Kendall, Ford, Grundy, Iroquois, Kankakee, McLean
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14th Extreme District
Name:( at auction )
Population:685,251
County: Will
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15th Extreme District
Name:( at auction )
Population:553,644
Counties: Hancock, Schuyler, McDonough, Brown, Fulton, Cass, Peoria, Mason, Woodford, Tazewell, Adams
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16th Extreme District
Name:( at auction )
Population:529,883
Counties: Piatt, Cumberland, Champaign, Edgar, Vermilion, Clark, Shelby, Fayette, Moultrie, Effingham, Douglas, Jasper, Coles, Crawford
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17th Extreme District
Name:( at auction )
Population:571,221
Counties: Pike, Macon, Scott, Calhoun, Morgan, Greene, Menard, Jersey, Sangamon, Macoupin, Logan, Montgomery, DeWitt, Christian
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18th Extreme District
Name:( at auction )
Population:634,341
Counties: Madison, St. Clair, Bond, Clinton, Monroe, Washington
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19th Extreme District
Name:( at auction )
Population:500,236
Counties: Randolph, Williamson, Perry, Hamilton, Marion, White, Jefferson, Saline, Clay , Gallatin, Wayne, Union, Richland, Johnson, Edwards, Pope, Lawrence, Hardin, Wabash, Alexander, Jackson, Pulaski, Franklin, Massac
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When you set out to take Vienna --
take Vienna.
Napoleon
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Question, Comments, Concerns?
We will certainly answer any questions you have about our maps or website. We look forward to hearing from you. Please select one of the following e-mail addresses, or call or fax us with the numbers above.
Attention Retailers:
Call us to discuss the following benefits of selling Big Stick Neighborhood Maps:
Generous wholesale rates
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When will you be mapping my city?
If you would like to request we create a map for your city, please email us at mapmycity@bigstickinc.com, with your request. We look forward to hearing from you!
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